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Greggs to Launch Luxury Division, Promises “The Harrods of Sausage Rolls”

In a move that has left both high street shoppers and City analysts stunned, bakery giant Greggs has announced plans to launch an ultra-premium division targeting the “luxury pastry consumer.” The new venture, Greggs Platinum, will offer upgraded versions of its popular products at significantly higher prices, served in refurbished “boutique bakeries” with mood lighting,…

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Sellafield Nuclear Plant to Begin Sending Waste to Mars in “Bold Leap for British Innovation”

The Sellafield nuclear facility in Cumbria has announced an ambitious new plan to solve the UK’s radioactive waste storage crisis — by firing it all to Mars. The “Project Red Disposal” initiative, unveiled this morning by the Department for Energy Security and Net Zero, will see specially modified rockets transport barrels of high-grade nuclear waste…

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