Keir Starmer has announced that, under a future Labour government, every UK citizen will be issued with a digital ID card — a move he insists will “modernise Britain and bring all your loyalty points under one roof.” The cards will double up as Tesco Clubcards, Nectar points cards, and Boots Advantage cards, with Starmer…
A man from Long Eaton, Derbyshire, says he’s become a “prisoner in his own garden” after accidentally spilling lawn fertiliser, which has caused his grass to grow at what he describes as “demonic speed.” David Pritchard, 47, said he dropped half a bag of high-strength fertiliser while topping up his spreader, and within days, he…
One of Britain’s most famous educational institutions, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has received a damning Ofsted report, earning an “Inadequate” rating across all categories — including Safety, Leadership, Curriculum, and Not Housing Creatures That Can Kill Children. The inspection, which lasted three days and reportedly required one inspector to be airlifted out by…
A quiet street in the Brackla area of Bridgend came to a standstill yesterday afternoon after 34-year-old resident Gareth Pritchard tragically overcooked a batch of Richmond sausages, leading to widespread mourning and an impromptu community tribute. The incident occurred at approximately 12:17pm when Gareth, attempting to multitask between frying sausages and watching a YouTube video…
In a bold new partnership between Britain’s biggest high street banks and the UK Cinema Association, customers will soon be able to apply for instant personal loans from dedicated kiosks placed directly in cinema lobbies — specifically to fund the purchase of popcorn, drinks, and confectionery. The scheme, called SnackCredit, aims to “improve accessibility” to…
West Midlands Police have launched a full investigation after the entire carpet from a Wetherspoons pub in Dudley was stolen overnight in what authorities are calling “the most baffling crime of the year so far.” The heist took place at The Full Moon, a popular branch of the chain known for its unusually vibrant 1990s-style…
Britain’s political landscape was thrown into confusion this week after legendary detective Sherlock Holmes announced the formation of The Deduction Party, a new political force aimed at solving the “mysteries of government” using his trademark powers of observation and logic. Holmes, speaking at a packed press conference in London, declared that “parliamentary incompetence is an…
Play at Sophia Gardens was brought to a standstill yesterday after a rogue Cardiff seagull swooped onto the pitch, stole the match ball, and refused to return it for over 40 minutes. The incident occurred during the second day of Glamorgan’s County Championship match against Derbyshire, with the home side bowling. Glamorgan seamer Rhys Evans…
A family-owned buffet restaurant in Swindon, Wiltshire, was forced to shut its doors two hours early yesterday after an unexpected visit from The Very Hungry Caterpillar left the establishment “out of stock, out of patience, and out of napkins.” Staff at Golden Dragon Buffet & Grill say the beloved children’s book character arrived shortly after…
Sheffield — long celebrated as the UK’s “Steel City” — has added an unexpected entry to its cultural calendar this week with the opening of The National Museum of Metal Pastry, the world’s first gallery dedicated entirely to profiteroles and éclairs crafted from stainless steel. Located in a converted cutlery factory, the museum houses over…
