Opinion: Why I Strongly Believe Supermarkets Should Introduce a “Fast Lane” for People Who Only Came In for Milk But Ended Up With 37 Other Items

By Malcolm Pritchard, Guest Columnist

We’ve all been there. You pop into the supermarket for “just a pint of milk,” and suddenly you’re stood in the checkout queue holding milk… plus bread, toilet roll, six reduced sausage rolls, a pineapple you’ll never eat, and an inflatable paddling pool because it was on offer.

And there you are, trapped behind a couple doing their monthly shop, unloading a trolley so large it could legally be considered an HGV.

I say enough is enough. We need a Supermarket Fast Lane for the “I only came in for one thing but capitalism happened” customer.

HOW IT WOULD WORK
The fast lane would be for anyone carrying their shopping by hand or in a single basket, ideally with a look on their face that says “I didn’t mean to buy this much but here we are.”

Staff would be trained to spot the signs:

A customer staring at a bottle of milk like it’s an old friend they lost in the crowd.

People clutching awkward, oversized items (like a mop, a lamp, and a family-sized lasagne) with the regret of someone who knows they could’ve just gone to the corner shop.

Anyone sweating because their basket is so heavy they can hear their spine cracking.

THE BENEFITS
Not only would this speed up the queues, but it would also save lives. There are people out there suffering severe arm cramps from holding a basket of impulse buys while waiting behind someone debating whether to use cash, card, or vouchers last issued during the Thatcher years.

It’s a mental health issue too. We, the “just came in for milk” people, are not in the right state to stand in a queue for 15 minutes smelling freshly baked bread and wondering if we also need a lemon drizzle cake.

THE CRITICS
Of course, there will be critics who say, “But isn’t that what the self-checkouts are for?”
No. Self-checkouts are for scanning one item incorrectly and then having to wave frantically at a member of staff while a robotic voice accuses you of “unexpected item in the bagging area” when that item is your dignity.

CONCLUSION
So yes, we need a fast lane. Not for the rich, not for the powerful, but for the people who went into Tesco for a pint of semi-skimmed and walked out with £42 worth of things they didn’t know existed.

It’s time to act. Because the milk is getting warm.