Police Hunt Fugitive Who Stole Entire Wetherspoons Carpet in “Meticulously Planned” 2am Heist

West Midlands Police have launched a full investigation after the entire carpet from a Wetherspoons pub in Dudley was stolen overnight in what authorities are calling “the most baffling crime of the year so far.”

The heist took place at The Full Moon, a popular branch of the chain known for its unusually vibrant 1990s-style carpet, which staff arrived Tuesday morning to find completely missing — right down to the underlay.

“We came in, and it was just bare floorboards,” said assistant manager Tina Rowcroft. “At first we thought we’d just cleaned too hard. Then we saw the CCTV.”

THE CCTV FOOTAGE
Security footage shows a single masked individual entering the premises at 2:41am via an unlocked toilet window. Over the course of 3 hours, they proceeded to cut, roll, and remove the carpet — section by section — before escaping on what appears to be a child’s scooter pulling a small trailer.

“Whoever they are, they came prepared,” said PC Gary Titchmarsh. “Kneepads, Stanley knife, tape measure, headlamp. I’ve seen jewellery store robberies with less planning.”

Police believe the suspect may have an obsession with Wetherspoons carpets, which are notoriously unique to each location and have a cult following online.

MOTIVE UNCLEAR
Experts are divided on the motive. Some believe the theft was committed for resale on the black market — particularly among eccentric rug collectors and people who miss the 2004 pub aesthetic.

Others believe it may be part of a wider campaign of “pub carpet activism.” A note was left at the scene, made from cut-out magazine letters, reading simply:

“NO MORE STICKY FLOORS. THIS IS A STATEMENT.”

Wetherspoons has refused to comment on whether other locations are under similar threat but has confirmed that new carpet will be installed “in a slightly less terrifying shade of burgundy.”

PUBLIC REACTION
Locals have been left shaken.

“I always said that carpet would be the death of someone — I just didn’t think it’d be from theft,” said long-time regular Colin Franks, 72 from Netherton.
“It hid everything: beer spills, chips, shame… It’s a sad day.”

THE INVESTIGATION CONTINUES
Police are urging the public to come forward with any information and have released a statement saying:

“If you know someone who recently acquired 46 square metres of patterned pub carpet and is now unusually proud of their living room, call us.”

A reward of £50 in Wetherspoons gift vouchers and a full English breakfast has been offered for information leading to an arrest.

Meanwhile, forensic officers are dusting pint glasses for prints — though progress has been slow due to “an overwhelming presence of gravy.”