Trump and Putin Meet in Alaska to Announce Plans for Joint US-Russian Toilet Factory

In a surprise turn of events that has left economists, plumbers, and late-night talk show hosts equally confused, former U.S. President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladimir Putin met in Anchorage, Alaska on Friday to unveil their latest joint venture: a massive international toilet factory.

The project, dubbed “FlushForce One”, aims to produce “the most luxurious, powerful, and culturally diplomatic toilets the world has ever seen,” according to a joint statement released while the two leaders stood beside a golden, velvet-roped prototype throne named The Commode Commander™.

“This isn’t just a toilet,” said Trump during the press conference.
“It’s a statement. It flushes better than anything. Tremendous flushing. Russian technology, American plumbing — perfect partnership. Believe me.”

Putin added through a translator:

“This toilet will symbolise unity, power… and elimination of waste — both political and biological.”

THE FACTORY

Planned to be built just outside Anchorage, the Toilet Integration Cooperative Headquarters for America and Russia (T.I.C.H.A.R.) will employ over 4,000 workers and feature:

• Dual-lingual flush handles
• GPS-enabled seat warmers
• A built-in translator that says “You missed a bit” in 17 languages

Each model will be fitted with patented Bi-National Flush Technology™, allowing for both clockwise and counterclockwise swirl, depending on user preference and political allegiance.

TOILETS AS DIPLOMACY

White House insiders suggest Trump views the project as a “game-changer” in post-presidential diplomacy.

“Donald believes world peace starts with shared plumbing,” said one unnamed aide.
“If two men can sit on the same seat — metaphorically — they can do anything.”

REACTION

The world has responded with mixed emotions.

German Chancellor Olaf Scholz called the venture “deeply unhelpful.”
China simply released a statement that read: “Toilets are already made. Please move on.”
Meanwhile, North Korea has allegedly started its own rival programme — “Operation Flush Star Supreme” — involving an underground bidet bunker outside Pyongyang.

POTENTIAL ISSUES

The project has faced early setbacks.
A prototype known as the Trump-Putin Deluxe 2000 was pulled from display after it exploded during a demo flush involving borscht and cheeseburgers.

“We’re ironing out the kinks,” said head engineer Yuri Vladislov.
“Also, the voice assistant keeps shouting ‘You call that a movement?’ in Russian.”

LOOKING AHEAD

A formal ribbon-cutting is planned for next spring. Both leaders will reportedly sit on two platinum toilets back-to-back while cutting the ribbon with golden toilet brushes.

A limited edition toilet model, “The Siberian Sprayer,” will go on sale exclusively at Walmart and the Kremlin Gift Shop.