All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Forced to Close Early After Visit from The Very Hungry Caterpillar

A family-owned buffet restaurant in Swindon, Wiltshire, was forced to shut its doors two hours early yesterday after an unexpected visit from The Very Hungry Caterpillar left the establishment “out of stock, out of patience, and out of napkins.”

Staff at Golden Dragon Buffet & Grill say the beloved children’s book character arrived shortly after the lunchtime rush, “smiling politely” before taking a seat near the salad bar — and proceeding to consume almost the entire menu in under 40 minutes.

THE INCIDENT
Restaurant manager Pauline Smedley said she first became suspicious when she noticed the caterpillar working methodically through the fruit section.

“I thought, fair enough, a couple of apples, a pear or two… we’re all here to enjoy ourselves,” Smedley told reporters.
“But then he moved on to the hot food. We’re talking trays of spring rolls, an entire vat of sweet and sour chicken, and the prawn crackers… dear God, the prawn crackers.”

Witnesses say the caterpillar then made several “calm but determined” circuits of the dessert table, eating all the profiteroles, three cheesecakes, and what staff estimate to be “at least” 28 slices of Black Forest Gateau.

STAFF REACTION
By 3pm, the kitchen had run out of food, forcing the restaurant to close for the day. Chef Trevor “Trev” Brown says he’s “never seen anything like it.”

“We tried to put out more food, but he’d eat it before it even hit the counter. At one point I was frying noodles, and he was eating them straight from the wok. It’s not health and safety, that.”

Brown claims the caterpillar was “polite enough” to say thank you each time he cleared a tray, but added that his “relentless chewing noise” was now “burned into my soul.”

MR. CATERPILLAR SPEAKS OUT
When approached for comment, The Very Hungry Caterpillar defended his actions:

“Look, it’s in my nature. I was literally written to eat everything in sight. You can’t change the core plot of a children’s classic.”

He went on to say the buffet “knew the risks” when offering unlimited portions and that he’d “done nothing wrong” in the eyes of buffet law.

“Besides, I’ve gone through metamorphosis. I need the calories. I’m bulking for wings.”

AFTERMATH
The restaurant says it will review its “all-you-can-eat” policy, with new small print clarifying that it does not apply to “iconic literary insects with a proven history of excessive consumption.”

Smedley insists there are no hard feelings:

“We’d welcome him back, but maybe we’d have to limit him to one plate and keep the desserts under lock and key.”

Meanwhile, The Very Hungry Caterpillar has reportedly been spotted eyeing up the window display at Greggs.